We’ve all seen the phenomenon before: people whose Internet life is so awesome, you’re looking at their profile and thinking “why isn’t that me?” Well, for one, it’s not you because you’re sitting behind your desk reading this article instead of doing something with your life. You’re not going to find the secret to unlimited wealth here, you know. It’s out there, hidden among normal people and heaps of disappointment.
Some people have braved the wild seas of the ocean we call “real life” and found the pirate’s treasure. They’re now living a life of luxury and awesomeness and feel the uncontrollable urge to confront us with it. On the Internet. Because just frustrating the living hell out of everyone in a ten mile radius somehow doesn’t cut it. Let’s take a look at some of those Instagram Assholes.
This guy is a professional poker player. Yup, he turned a gambling addiction into a job. I’ve yet to see a picture of him without a scantily-clad lady near his person. Also, it’s usually more than one scantily-clad lady.
A real modern day Aladdin, this one. He’s the crown prince of Dubai. Hate him yet? No? His life is awesome. He does the most amazing shit because he’s royalty from Dubai and those people eat gold bricks for breakfast.
This guy is just an old, Italian playboy. I mean, he inherited seven figures. That tends to help when trying to reach your life’s goals.
He’s one of those “I travel the world because I’m one with planet Earth” guys. He’s made in Hawaii but lives “everywhere and nowhere”. Yeah. That makes no sense to me, but I’m sure his weed is quality material.
Connor is one of two children adopted by Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise, back when they were both young and amazing. Let’s be honest: being Tom Cruise’s son is reason enough to be jealous of this guy. He’s also a DJ.
Johannes is a male model with German roots. He’s very active in the New York fashion scene and – of course – Instagram.
One of the most successful “luxury real estate specialists” (ergo, he sells expensive houses), this guy doesn’t even have a single Instagram picture with an activity in it that I can afford. Well, apart from walking on the street. I can afford that. Barely.
This guy apparently has his own business and runs around Chanel shows buying diamonds and Lamborghinis and shit. Because that’s what rich kids do.